My Dog Is An Idiot: A Love Story
Okay. There. I said it. My dog is an idiot. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that we have two very smart dogs and one very not smart dog.
And Foster? Well, I’m not sure yet, though I do have my suspicions.
It took me even longer to be able to say it out loud. When I first spoke the words, it was a whisper. “I think Galileo might be an idiot”, I said to my husband one night while we were sitting on the couch watching Galileo lick the wall.
And, even though we knew it was true, it kind of hurt to say it out loud. Once you name it, it becomes real in a whole new way, and you can’t take it back.
It was a shameful secret we kept to ourselves. I mean, no one actively sets out to share their life with a stupid dog. It’s not something normal people brag about at dinner parties, but as you’ve probably guessed, I’m not normal people.
For many, many months, my husband and I whispered our confessions to each other.
“He ran into the wall, got mad, barked at it and then ran into it again.”
“Don’t worry. It’s just a little cut. He hit himself in the head with his food bowl again.”
“I said I don’t know how! Just get me the wire cutters. His head his stuck in the fence!”
As time passed, we came to accept that Galileo was never going to live up to his namesake, but our acceptance was always tempered by one caveat: in addition to the broken back and BB’s in his abdomen that caused a host of health issues when I first brought him home as a medical foster, he must have been kerplunked on the head. We loved him and begrudgingly accepted his intellectual deficiencies, but we also felt a need to justify it. I think we were more than mildly ashamed.
It isn’t his fault that he gets stuck underneath the bed. He was kerplunked on the head as a puppy.
It’s not his fault that he falls off the couch several times a week for absolutely no reason at all. He was kerplunked on the head as a puppy.
So what if he’s scared of the microwave. It’s not his fault. He was kerplunked on the head as a puppy.
Eventually, we began to own it. We gave him loving nicknames, like Dingbat, Meathead or Kim Kardashian.
By owning his idiocy, we more fully embraced who he is. He’s a sweet, affectionate, verbal when he’s playing, scared of fast movements, terrified of loud sounds, fearful of brooms, rock-eating, wall-licking idiot and we love him because he is all of these things and more.
We no longer worry about the why; instead, we now focus on the humor. He brings tremendous joy to our life. More than anything he likes to give hugs. That, and hitting himself in the head with everything.
He’s an idiot. Our idiot. And we wouldn’t want him any other way.
I love this! He’s got such a great home there. We’ve had our share of idiots here, and they sure make life interesting if nothing else.
He’s a big doofus! And a huge glittery rainbow in our lives. Thanks K!
lolol Sarah Palin. Great and funny and poignant. Love the pics, too.
Thanks Carol! He’s my goofball 4evah. Besides you, of course! #CarBer
Quincy is a dope too. He has run into the neighbor’s parked car a few times because he wasn’t looking where he was going. His farts startle him, and then he tries to find the source. If he’s in the yard and I talk to him though the window from inside the house, he goes running to the gate. Meanwhile, m6 other dog just looks up. Quincy is the sweetest dog though! I don’t care if he’s not smart.
Running into a parked car! Classic. 🙂 #dumbdogsrock
Oh my dog! I laughed at this. Maybe because I have seen puppies who I wouldn’t have thought they would ever make it to be adults. I guess we all have a little idiot in us. BOL!
Thanks Carma Poodale! He hysterical if not worrisome some days. Next year, Phoenix, we need to hang out more.
I just want to put his out there…he probably did NOT put a zip tie on his paw and then realize that he couldn’t get it off…just sayin’. BOL!
Oooh, SNAP! Point taken, M.K.! LOL
Actually, The Husband and I have another on-going Arguscussion about who Galileo takes after. I’m beginning to see a pattern emerge, and it might just be me.
Thanks for always making me laugh!
Good one lol 🙂
Aw such a sweet post; I know I’ve often wonder about Laika’s intellect from time to time. Yes she ate that foot long slinky toy like a noodle for some unknown reason in the middle of playing & yes she howls at spiders on the wall. I love that out of all the dogs it’s ‘Galileo’ that might be… well intellectually challenged 🙂
Well, the names started with our first dog, Darwin. Then Galileo, Edison and finally Foster. U.S. Gays love a theme!!
Love this and that you embrace him for who he is!
Sometimes, I am certain my dog is an idiot – like when he eats rocks. Then I realize he has me wrapped out his paw and that I do all of his bidding, and I think I he might be the smart one.
Oh my gosh, this post just made my week! Galileo is adorable. I love that you have embraced his eccentricities (euphemism for idiocy). He is so lucky to have you.
I think the political correct title might be “special” LOL either way, he’s adorable. Love him for him! That’s what we do with Jax – we call him the “maniac”
LOL Groovy! Yes, I think you’re right. I may use “special” is a future post. Quotations included!
I giggled when I read this again, and then I giggled even more when I saw Melissa’s comment & remembered the zip tie “incident.” 🙂
Certainly best to see the humour and own it LOL. Kilo is surprisingly resourceful around food, and has trained me very well, but he is certainly not the sharpest pencil in the pack on other things. He sure makes me laugh like you and Galileo (and MK)
It’s been said about JD (and not by me, mind you) that he doesn’t have two neurons to connect. He’s definitely not very smart. But he’s loving, loyal and happy.
“Two neurons to connect” OMD LOL???
LOLOLOLOL!!!! I laughed so hard when I read this!!!!!!
I’m so glad!
Very well stated! We have to love our pets for who they are and not who we wish they were. There will come a day when all of those boneheaded things that Galileo does will be very fond memories. I got a good laugh reading about them! He seems like a great guy even if he isn’t the brightest crayon in the box. He’s got heart!
Our foster dog… was not very bright. Sweet but not very gifted in the brains department. Which was highlighted by the fact that Mr. N is entirely too smart for his own good.
FD would eat anything that would fit in his mouth… except for one thing. We dropped a leaf of arugula and he picked it up and tried to eat it. He swished it around in his mouth for a few seconds and then spat it out…. then he picked it up again and the cycle continued until I finally took pity on him and removed it.
Oh my goodness, what a hilarious post. I can so relate. At first, you don’t want to diss your baby, but… dammit, dog!!
Bwa ha ha! I’ve fostered several dogs that appeared to be idiots next to my smarty pants golden retriever. But it doesn’t take intelligence to make a dog lovable. And sometimes it’s a relief to be with a dog who isn’t smarter than I am. 🙂
Great post! I swear I had a dog a few years back that was autistic. Please looked at me funny when I would mention it, but being a SPED teacher for children with autism at the time, I felt I knew what I was talking about! He had all the classic signs…
This was hilarious! The nice thing about pets is you don’t have to worry about them reading it later and hurting their feelings!
BOL!!! I’m still cracking up at the title of this wonderfully written post! Galileo may not ever live up to his namesake but he is so beautiful! I loved reading about his antics, it just makes him more adorable in my eyes! Perhaps you should change his name to Groucho (as in Marx LOL!) Thanks for the chuckles!
Love & Biscuits,
Dogs Luv Us and We Luv Them
Loved your post! One of the things I love most about dogs is how they make us laugh and surely Galileo’s antics and personality will keep you both young and healthy from all the laughter. 🙂
So sweet and funny…..some dogs are “special” and it does make them so endearing.
Haha, I love it. I may have read this blog post before, but can’t remember if I’ve commented. So for that…bravo to the idiots :).
LOL Sarah! Thanks!
When my weimaraner, Julie, was 6 wks old and staying at my sisters house for a few days until i could go get her, my 3 yr old nephew picked her up, and being the puppy that she was, I’m sure she was squirming around and probably squirmed out of his arms and ended up landing flat on her face. Eyes rolled back, tongue sticking, just completely out of it (she had a fracture hind leg too but it healed properly) until my sister called the vet and she said to put honey on her tongue to snap her out of it. It worked but i think the fall caused her some brain damage bc i say the same about my Julie, she’s my bimbo!! Lol and i wouldn’t have her any other way!
Maybe he’s not an idiot. Maybe he just doesn’t take life too seriously. Maybe he thinks every day should be an adventure, an exploration of the world around him. Maybe his gift to you and everyone who knows and loves him is to show the sillier side of life!
Hilarious!! I love your writing style…and content!
Thank you Linda! You just made me smile. 🙂
you have to own it embrace it and realize that he will bring more joy than anything. And we can relate….our youngest isn’t the brightest bulb either (but we tell her she is cute)
Good article until you added a personal attack on someone who had nothing to do with your dog.
that was not a personal attack on sarah palin just a very well thought out observation which is shared by many of us.
You’re very lucky he chose you… and continues to put up with your humanness.
I sure am, Annette!
I should have visited the ladies’ room before reading this. 😉 Oh, my my my! Poor Galileo! (Maybe he does need a helmet?) P.S. I had a cat once (Albert) who was a little dim. His teenage mother accidentally slung him into a wall when he was being born. (Not hard, but still.) He was a lovely kitty, though. Lived 18 years, low IQ and all.
Thanks for the laugh. I suspect all of us have dogs with a bit of idiocy in them. 🙂
What a fun post! I always say that Lilo (the pug) was blessed with beauty but not brains. Oh well, at least she’s cute when she spontaneously falls off of the couch!
Love this! And he’s so cute!
I know a lot of folks who i think must have been “kerplunked” on the head when they were young, but they aren’t anywhere as cute and Funny as Galileo!
Sometimes we just have to face facts, you know? And when said facts are not uh… Well… WELL not the most complimentary of things…
Let me put it this way. I call my brothers, Rushton and anderson, “long-haired marmie freaks” all the time. Doesn’t mean i don’t love ’em. Just means i think they’re freaks. MOUSES!